Saturday, March 07, 2009

I've been thinking about Dealth

Pop has been busy doing 3d modeling for his class and his brother's business.  We haven't spent much time together like we used to.  We eat,  go to bed and wake up at different time.  We haven't played  videogame together in a week or so.  I was busy working as well.  

Last night while Pop was sleeping, I watched "Koizora" the movie.  It's so sad I cried so hard.  I haven never cried that much from any movies before.  It reminded me that life is not at all predictable nor controllable.  There are so many things I want to do, places I want to go and people I want to meet.  Some people say life is short while others say life is pretty fuckin long.  I think it's not our call.   For me, I have been making a long term plan and looking way ahead of me in the future.  I haven't been living the present time to the fullest.  I sacrifice today for a better tomorrow, day after day...  What if there is no tomorrow, will I regret it on the very last day of my life of what I have done?  On the flip side, if anyone unexpected disappear from my life.  Will I be able to say "Good bye" properly or will I kick myself is the head (not that it's possible) for not doing enough for them.

I think I'm pretty weak and emotional right now because of the drug.  I've been on Lupron for too long (almost a year) and this hormone imbalance thing really affect my thinking.

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